Hello new mercies! Hello every morning!

"I'm letting go of my yesterday, grab a hold - free in Your grace I live. There's no more guilt!"

I've been reading through the Bible chronologically starting on 1/1/12 and have been reading a lot about God's love as well as keeping up with TWLOHA. There's something that recently struck a cord with me. I don't know if it's all of the above adding to the stuff I hear and experience at work, but I have been overwhelmed with the reasons I have for living. And that may seem a little bit weird, but seeing as how my anniversary for my second lease on life is coming up, it kind of makes sense.

This month, this week actually, about 9 years ago I tried to take my life. I can't even explain everything that led up to that day. If you've never experienced depression, it's hard to explain it. Mine looked a little something like this:

• Walking into the public eye with a beautiful, smiling mask on, but underneath it I was crying and so blue.
• Being in a crowd of people but wearing a cloak of invisibility. 
• Screaming at the top of my lungs for help in a room full of deaf people.
• Wearing headphones that shout out all the negative qualities about yourself 24/7. 
• Running with 20 lb weights wrapped around your lungs. 

And the worst part was that I knew I wasn't the only one who felt this way. I would look at poetry and stories that people wrote who felt the same exact way I did.  And the reason why it was the worst was that no one reached out to us. No one told us there was hope. No one told us that we were important, valued, known, loved, seen, beautiful, heard. No one reached out to us and wanted to help us. No one knew I was depressed. No one knew how much I hurt inside. No one knew of the countless tears I cried. So it felt like no one cared.

So in my Bible reading, I'm in Job where he has literally lost everything: his livestock, his kids, his servants, everything. And his "friends" come to cheer him up, but really just condemn him saying really insensitive things. Job is clearly upset at this time and is in mourning and his friends are talking about how he doesn't deserve grace from God anyway. His friends don't give him hope. His friends don't tell him that he is important, valued, known, loved, seen, beautiful, heard. That even though he has lost EVERYTHING that God loves him more than He can imagine and the most AMAZING thing about God is that He constantly showers grace and mercy upon it even though we don't deserve it.

God literally saved my life on that dreary January day. As I was swallowing pill after pill I heard a voice (not audible) in my head saying "Stop. You are worth more than this. There is hope." Still no human reached out to me. It's not like I told anyone except my mom who offered for me to go to counseling (which I denied). God literally saved my life. And showered mercy and grace on me. Like He does every morning.

For all the people who tell me everyday "I couldn't do what you do." Let me say one thing:
The only thing I do at work is give people HOPE. I show them LOVE. I show them that they can truly be KNOWN. I show them that someone CARES. I tell them that they are IMPORTANT. I SEE them. I HEAR them. I tell them that they are STRONG and BEAUTIFUL. I remind them of their WORTH.

Please do this for someone. Look beyond smiling faces and forced laughs. Look beyond what shields they are holding up. If you can't be that person to somebody, be the person who reminds them of who they were created to be, find someone who will.

You just might save someone's life.