who knew??

[Note: this post was written in Caribou Coffee in Washington Twp, MI while listening to the Imogen Heap station on Pandora. Maybe to get in the mood you need to listen to that station while reading this...]

Who knew it was going to be so hard just being home for 3 weeks?? I finally quit my job at Meijer after almost 5 1/2 years... clearly 5 1/2 years too long... Even the ladies in my dept who knew i was putting in my 2 week notice told me not to work these 2 weeks. It's that bad. But without a job i'm sooo incredibly bored since everyone else works and has a life here. it just reinforces the fact i don't belong here. yup i said the B-word. i don't Belong. So many things have become clear while the rest is so.... mud-like...

It probably doesn't help that I've been sharing my bedroom with my dear grandmother since I've been back. Try unpacking an apartment into you bedroom when you're not the only inhabitant, when you normally are... ugh... I was pretty upset about it because I just wanted my own space. Honestly, I've been having a really hard time processing this chapter of my life. I'm closer with my Grace friends than with anyone else I've ever met. And this isn't like any summer before where I knew we'd all be reunited in 3 months. I honeslty don't know when I'll see these people again. It's not going to be easy, because we'll all be paying back college loans and working real jobs (fingers crossed on that one, actually) and living all across the country. God is taking us down different paths right now and who knows if and when they'll ever cross again. And even those people who left an imprint on my life who aren't my best friends (people like Emily Brenneman)... who knows where she'll be even a year from now.. people don't do ResLife their entire lives. I mean, I don't even know where I'll be then. Maybe God won't want me in San Diego then. Grace was my home, my safe place, my love for 4 years. And now it's just... over. I can only pray it becomes that place for someone else now, even despite all the silly drama going on. And so being hit this last week in waves of pure emotion and not having a place to call my own to just sit and process, nevertheless, someone to process with has been really hard. And as I sit here typing this I know I'm not done processing due to the rise of emotions in the back of my throat. And it probably doesn't help that I haven't been in the Word as much as I need to be. I don't feel the joy and assurance as I did last summer. And maybe I'll feel that once I go to SD.... hopefully...

In other news, I applied to volunteer at a shelter that helps rehabilitate women who are getting out of the sex trafficking industry. and I got a call from them later that day which was awesome and exciting. I go on June 13 for orientation and I need my references to send in all kinds of things, do some sort of training that costs $60 (eep!) and get a background check. But I'm totes excited!! I'm really praying that this opportunity will open up all kinds of doors for me. Caribou's new marketing scheme is based off a questions "What are you staying awake for?" which is a pretty deep question if you tink about it. But they give all kinds of suggestions that are written all over their cups, windows, posters, etc. One of them that really epitomizes this opportunity and really my goals for my career is "Do it for love, not profit." this is my passion. this is what i enjoy. this is what i'm good at. this is where God is leading me.This is where I'm called (brings back flashes of "The Call" by Os Guinness-- read it if you haven't). This is kind of a rough one because of all my monetary deficits due to such a great education, but I know that if this is where God is leading me, He'll provide. I think stories like Elijah and the widow from 1 Kings 17:7-16 where God sends Elijah to get food from this poor widow and she thinks she doesn't even have enough to make food for her and her son. And God is faithful and provides until there is enough for her to harvest. Our God is so good. And I know He'll do good for me in this situation. It's hard to see from where I'm sitting, but this is truth.

and on some sort of lighter note, i got 2nd degree burns on my left hand because I grabbed the barrel of a hot curling iron. ugh. And then that night i got backed into while in the church parking lot. Luckily both my car and I are ok but I wasn't too happy about that. But being in a church parking lot and the fact that I'm an ISFJ helped me keep my cool. And aside from that I've just been running errands, watching movies, and spending all too much time alone.

T-minus 16 days and counting...