Keeping Priorities Straight

“In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord…” Isaiah 6:1

Our soul’s personal history with God is often an account of the death of our heroes. Over and over again God has to remove our friends to put Himself in their place, and that is when we falter, fail and become discouraged. Let me think about this personally—when the person died who represented for me all that God was, did I give up on everything in life? Did I become ill or disheartened? Or did I do as Isaiah did and see the Lord?

My vision of God is dependent upon the condition of my character. My character determines whether or not truth can even be revealed to me. Before I can say, “I saw the Lord,” there must be something in my character that conforms to the likeness of God. Until I am born again and really begin to see the kingdom of God, I only see from the perspective of my own biases. What I need is God’s surgical procedure—His use of external circumstances to bring about internal purification.

Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, “In all the world there is no one but you, dear God; there is no one but You.”

Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision.

Reading the above devotional from “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers was incredibly humbling to me and totally hit me right in the heart. No, none of my friends have died, but it kind of feels like that. God brought some amazing people into my life and now they are so far away and we are all so distant. Although our reunion was almost like we’d never left. We’ve all grown some but we’re still the same people who can just sit around and stare at each other and it’s ok. I can tell you firsthand that Chambers is right on the dot in this excerpt. When God removes our friends from our lives we do falter hard, fail hard and become incredibly discouraged. Story. Of. My. Life. Growing up I was a total loner. I could spend days on end in the comfort of my bedroom just reading and drawing and listening to music and minding my own business being me. Going to college totally changed me. Now if I spend a couple hours alone I feel totally empty and I feel the need to be social. Maybe that’s why I’m addicted to Facebook. It’s my way of being “social” when I have no other way to be. Maybe it’s my “safe” way to being social when it’s just not possible to be social in a more normal fashion. In any case, I’m not that loner girl anymore. And being alone just plain sucks. I know God is trying to teach me my priorities are all out of whack, but man, I wish there was another way to learn that didn’t make me cry and my heart ache so much. I’m starting to crave a boyfriend so much just so I won’t be lonely all the time. Pathetic, I know. I’m good though because I don’t even have any boyfriend candidates. But oh, I’ll be pet/house sitting for my parents for this next week. And my roommate is on vacation. So I’ll really be alone outside of work if no one else is available to hang with me. And it’s hard to be taught to put my priorities straight (1. God 2. God 3. God) when I am clinging so tightly to my friends. I mean, white-knuckled-clenched-teeth-sweaty-brow-feet-digging-in tightly. I’m scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I let go of my friends. I don’t want to lose them. I can’t stand to hurt anymore.

                When my grandpa and Angela Hopewell died a few days apart back in 2009, I instantly thought and pictured “No matter what is going on here, God is still on His throne and He is still in control,” and I took great comfort in that. That idea and that mental image is what got me through that summer. But ever since that summer ended I’ve been on this slump. It’s hard to picture God on His throne when you feel like a doormat. Or something else that is forgotten and alone. Like the fondue set my parents got for their wedding and have never used. I’m not suicidal or anything but sometimes I feel as if no one would really notice or care if I died. And I’m not thinking this in a morbid way but would anyone really care?? Who would come?? Who would stand up and say something nice about me?? How far would people travel just to remember me??