Counting Down....

....to the new year....


It has come to my attention to what I'm doing, the way I'm living my life just isn't working. I'm discontent, discouraged, and dissatisfied.

I decided today that I feel like I'm stuck in this weird limbo stage between being a student and being a professional. There are some obvious distinctions between the two and I feel like I have a foot in each place, clinging on for dear life. I love my job and it's what keeps me going every week even when I'm exhausted and frustrated. I love my friends who are still students and loved my experience as a student. It seems my professional life and social life are not in the same place and I'm struggling to balance the two. I don't know how to make friends in this new stage in my life. I feel like I've been completely uprooted and put somewhere different even though I've lived here most of my life. It probably doesn't help either that I still live with my parents. (Hopefully that will be remedied in the next couple of months though...) I definitely do NOT want to let go of my friends from my student stage either. They are waaaaaaay to special to me and I love them dearly.

This is how my typical day of the week goes: get up, get ready, if I work in the AM go straight to work but if i work later i try to run errands to get something accomplished, work 8 hours, come home either stopping somewhere like Meijer or Kroger, eat or get ready for bed (again depending on when I work) and go to bed. Starting in January I'll be working M-F 2-10 pm which will REALLY not give me time with friends who will be going to work and school during "normal" hours. And I'll probably never see my family, who I'll be living with, except on weekends, because they get up super early and go to bed by 9. My loneliness will increase and I just don't know how to fix it.

I feel like I know what the problem is, I just don't know how to fix it. I keep staring at it, hoping it'll fix itself. But that's not the way life works. That's not the way God works.

I want to join a small group. I want to join an evangelism group. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. I want to be a part of something where I can pour out my heart and people will love and accept me for who I am and these people will walk with me and do life with me.

I've been up in the air for months about whether I should start going to another church. I can never go to the membership classes at the current church I've been attending because I'm always working. That's got to be a sign. But I do love worship and the senior pastor and all the things that the church is going. (Got to hear a sneak peak and what they're working on for 2011 and it's gonna blow Metro Detroit out the water!) But I just don't feel in my element. I always feel I need to impress someone. Plus I drive 1/2 hr each way!! It's soooo big I don't even know where to start getting to know people!! It's so hard to get into a small group for young adults too because they do sign ups twice a year!! So I've done some homework and I'm going to try out at least 2 or 3 other churches. These are smaller, closer to home and I've heard decent reviews about them.


So here are my goals for the new year:
1) Get a gym membership and actually go
2) Sign up for a 5K, train for it, and beat my time from last spring
3) Find a home church, become a member, and get involved
4) Get an apartment, either by myself or w/ someone, closer to work
5) Be diligently in the Word everyday, praying constantly and from the depths of my heart
6) Be more evangelistic
7) Become more consistent
8) Be more financially responsible