getting O-L-D

So it actually just hit me about half an hour ago as I was scanning my Facebook birthday reminders that I'm turning 22 this year. It's not a milestone year. Many of my friends have already turned 22 or older. But it seriously freaked me out. TWENTY-TWO. It just sounds so... old.... so... offical. 21 seemed so juvenile as it is associated mostly with the legality of it. You're allowed to drink, etc. But 22... I feel like there's a lot of pressure there. I don't know where it's coming from or even why but I mean... I got seriously freaked out earlier. Even now I'm a bit unsure about 22. Even saying the number over and over in my head and repeatedly typing it is ominous...

I have been on this earth for 22 years (come November). What have I done? What has happened in those 22 years that has left a mark?? I feel like I want to do so much more with my life. I feel like I have so much left to do. I had a dream the other night that I married one of my best guy friends. And I've always been obsessed with weddings (more so with the event than actually marriage part) but more and more recently marriage/weddings give me this warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Something about joining together with another to fulfill God's purposes here on the earth is just so... beautiful. And while it has always been something I've wanted I always knew/thought I was too young. And every weekend, as more and more wedding pictures are posted on Facebook, I'm no longer the bitter, single soul who hates everyone who is happily involved with someone else. I see the joy. I understand. And this is a bit weird to admit "out loud" and I'm not quite sure why I'm doing it other than to get it off my chest.... I'm ready to get married. There is so much I want to do in my life, but I don't want to do it alone. I want someone to share it with. I don't want to be alone making a difference. I need the help of someone else. I mean, I'll always have friends and family and, of course, God, but something about a spouse to complete it would be wonderful.

Please note: I'm not going to be mongering around looking for all the single, Christian men out there who are also ready to get married and stuff. I'm not on the desperate prowl. I'm living my life. And if/when that man comes around, I'll be ready for him. But until that day I'll keep praying. And feeling old. Because who knew I'd come of that age where marriage would really be plausible?

But I'm not ready to be old yet. These kids (ages 6 1/2 and 9) are already calling me old. They don't remember Hanson. They don't remember 9/11. They didn't watch killer shows when they aired like Full House, Fresh Prince of Bell Air, Boy Meets World, etc. They don't know the difference between the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC (or even know that *NSYNC starts with an asterisk). They've never seen gas at $1/gallon. They've never worn stirrup pants, matching windbreaker suits, or huge scrunchies. They've never had an awesome cassette player walkman.



I'm sure most of these thoughts are just gobblety gook and mish mashed and make no sense. (that sentence probably summarizes that thought)

I'm just a little messed up because of....